ADHD in Women, ADHD Assessment, and Strategies to Manage ADHD

Here is a VERY strong opinion I have as a psychologist and someone diagnosed with ADHD not until her 30's: ADHD in women is wildly underdiagnosed, deeply misunderstood, and often shrugged off as "being scatterbrained" or "forgetful and overwhelmed"

Spoiler: it's not about forgetting where you put your phone or keys. (Though, yes—that happens too.)

If you're a woman who feels like you're constantly running behind, forgetting appointments, drowning in mental tabs, and emotionally spiraling over tiny things while also being told you're "high-functioning," welcome. You might be living with ADHD—and not the kind they.

ADHD Symptoms in Women: It's Not What You Think

ADHD in women doesn't always look like bouncing off the walls or blurting out answers in class. In fact, it rarely does.

Women (and girls) tend to internalize their symptoms. Instead of hyperactivity, there's anxiety. Instead of "acting out," there's perfectionism, people-pleasing, and exhaustion. The world doesn't see it, but your brain is a browser with 143 open tabs, all autoplaying audio.

Here are some common (but often missed) symptoms:

• Chronic forgetfulness (even for important stuff)
• Struggling to finish tasks you were once excited about
• Sensory overload (noise, lights, chaos)
• Emotional reactivity (hi, tears over burnt toast)
• Paralysis when facing decisions or clutter
• Feeling like you’re always behind but never stop moving

And here's the kicker: many women don’t get diagnosed until adulthood. Usually after their kid gets diagnosed and the lightbulb goes off.

ADHD and Motherhood: When Overwhelm Becomes the Norm

If you’re a mom with undiagnosed ADHD, chances are it doesn’t look like classic ADHD. It looks like snapping over a mess, crying when the dishwasher isn’t unloaded, or feeling deeply ashamed because you forgot the school spirit day (again).

Motherhood with ADHD can present as:

• Rage or irritability that feels out of proportion
• Disorganization that leads to chronic guilt
• Emotional shutdown or feeling numb
• Trouble starting or finishing simple tasks (like...laundry)
• Constant mental clutter, making it hard to be present

You might feel like you’re just “bad at being a mom,” when in reality—you’re a mom with an overworked, under-supported brain. And the pressure to “hold it all together” only makes things worse.

Here’s the truth: ADHD doesn’t go away when you become a parent. It just gets louder. The stakes feel higher. And when your nervous system is always in overdrive, something as small as a spilled cup of milk can feel like a breaking point.

If any of this sounds familiar, please know—you’re not crazy, lazy, or failing. You’re likely carrying a cognitive load most people can’t see.

Why ADHD Often Goes Undiagnosed in Women

Two words: masking and expectations.

From a young age, girls are socially conditioned to behave, sit still, follow the rules, and not take up too much space. So when they struggle, they often internalize it: "I'm lazy." "I'm just bad at adulting." "I must be broken." For YEARS I wondered what was wrong with me. Why was I the only person who chronically lost their credit card? My car? A disaster. It felt like there were two parts of me. One part that felt accomplished, and another part that felt I was so terrible at so many basic things.

But you're not broken.  Your brain just processes the world differently—and you've probably been running on willpower and caffeine for way too long.

ADHD Assessment: What It Looks Like (and Why It Matters)

So, what happens if you think you might have ADHD? Step one: get assessed. Properly.

A solid ADHD assessment doesn’t look like a five-minute online quiz (though we’ve all taken those at 1am). A real assessment includes:

• A clinical interview that explores your developmental history, symptoms, and patterns
• Standardized tools like the ASRS and executive functioning checklists
• Ruling out other mental health conditions (anxiety, trauma, depression)
• Looking at how your symptoms affect day-to-day life: work, relationships, parenting

Bonus: if you're in Alberta, we offer virtual ADHD assessments through Couples to Cradles Counselling, and yes—they're tailored specifically for adult women.

Because we get it: your brain isn't a mess. It's a system that's been misread and misunderstood for years.

So I Have ADHD—Now What?

Knowing is only half the battle. (Cue the overwhelmed "Now what?" moment.)

Here are a few ADHD strategies that actually help—and don’t make you feel worse:

1. Routines, But With Flex

Rigid systems tend to collapse under ADHD brains. What works better? Soft structure.

• Time-block your day in pencil, not pen.
• Use visual reminders (think: sticky notes on your coffee maker).
• Pair boring tasks with something enjoyable (music, a podcast, your dog’s judging eyes).

2. Emotional Regulation Tools

Your emotional sensitivity isn’t a flaw—but it can be exhausting. Cue the late-night shame spirals or rage at slow Wi-Fi.

• Learn what triggers your "flooding"
• Practice paced breathing (not fluffy meditation—real, slow breathwork)
• Use "name it to tame it" strategies when big feelings hit

3. Body Doubling (Yes, It’s a Thing)

Doing a task while someone else quietly works nearby can help your brain stop spinning.

• Set up co-working Zoom calls with a friend
• Ask your partner to sit with you while you fold laundry

ADHD brains thrive on accountability and connection—not shame.

4. Reframe Your Inner Voice

You are not lazy. Or broken. Or too much. You're likely exhausted from running a neurodivergent brain in a neurotypical world.

Try replacing "I'm failing" with:

• "This system isn't working for my brain."
• "I need a different way—not more willpower."

Self-compassion isn’t just cute. It’s a strategy.

5. Get Professional Support

The truth is, DIY-ing your way through undiagnosed ADHD is like trying to assemble IKEA furniture with no instructions and missing parts.

Working with a therapist who gets how ADHD shows up in women (and especially moms)? Game-changer.

You Don’t Have to Keep Struggling in Silence

If you’ve been feeling like you’re always two steps behind, like everything is hard in a way you can’t quite explain—you’re not alone.

We see you. And we can help.

At Couples to Cradles Counselling, we offer:

• Virtual ADHD assessments for women across Alberta
• Therapy with real-world strategies (no generic advice or toxic positivity)
• A chance to finally understand your brain—and work with it

Book a free 20-minute consult with one of our ADHD-informed therapists and take the first step toward finally feeling seen.

Because this isn’t about fixing you.

It’s about freeing you.

‍