When Body Image Shadows Creep Back: From Our Shame Stories to Raising Daughters

The Stories We Carry

Do you remember the first time you felt “wrong” in your body?

Most women can trace their body shame back to a moment — a sentence, a glance, an “innocent” comment that branded itself into memory.

Maybe yours started in childhood:

• The aunt who pinched your stomach at Thanksgiving and laughed, “You’ve been enjoying dessert, haven’t you?”
• The coach who said you’d be faster if you “leaned out.”
• The dance studio's weigh-in day, where numbers got compared and whispered like secrets.

Or maybe it was subtler.
You noticed how your thinner sister got praised for “looking so cute in that dress.”
How magazines left around the house screamed about “bikini bodies” and “getting summer-ready.”
How your mom would sigh before church, changing outfits three times, muttering, “Nothing looks good on me.”

Sometimes it wasn’t even about you — it was watching the women around you, learning their unspoken rules:

• Don’t eat the breadbasket first.
• Always suck in your stomach in photos.
• Compliments mean more when they’re about weight loss.

Those moments don’t evaporate. They settle deep. They shape how you see yourself long before you ever know the word “body image.”

Fast forward: You’re grown. Maybe you’re a mom now. You know diet culture is toxic. You tell yourself you’ve outgrown those old scripts. But then:

• You see a tagged photo on Facebook and feel your stomach drop.
• Your jeans don’t button, and suddenly you’re 13 again in that fluorescent-lit change room.
• Your daughter says, “I look fat.” and your throat tightens because you recognize the exact voice she’s echoing — yours, your mother’s, or someone else’s from years ago.

That’s how shame works. It hides for a while, but it doesn’t forget. And in postpartum, when your body feels like borrowed territory, those old shame stories come roaring back.

How Body Image Creeps Into Everyday Life

It’s not always obvious. It can look like:

• Turning down pool days because swimsuits feel like exposure.
• Hiding behind the camera instead of being in the pictures.
• Feeling a pit in your stomach at school pickup because everyone else’s “mom uniform” looks better than yours.
• Pretending that “starting a new clean eating plan” is about health, when it’s really about punishment.

And sometimes it shows up as snappy irritation, endless scrolling, or staying busy so you don’t have to feel.

How to Help Your Daughter or Son Build a Healthier Story

You can’t bubble-wrap her from diet culture, but you can prepare her for it.

• Check your language. No more “ugh, I look gross.” Even if you feel it. Because they are listening.
• Shift the focus. Talk about what bodies do — climb trees, run races, carry kids. Not what they look like.
• Call BS when you see it. Point out toxic TikTok trends, ads, and “get smaller” culture. they need to know those voices are wrong.
• Listen, don’t dismiss. If she says she hates how she looks, don’t just say “you’re beautiful.” Sit in it. Ask questions. Then reframe.

How Therapy Fits In

Let’s be real: it’s hard to raise a child with a healthy body image if you’re still battling your own shame story.

That’s where therapy helps. Not by “fixing” you, but by giving you a place to untangle the mess. At Couples to Cradles Counselling, we work with moms to:

• Quiet that cruel inner narrator (the one that sounds suspiciously like your judgmental family member.
• Use CBT and ACT to challenge body-related anxiety and shame.
• Build self-compassion so you can actually model the confidence you want your daughter to see.

Because here’s the truth: when you rewrite your body story, you’re not just helping yourself — you’re giving your daughter a completely different starting line.

Final Thoughts

Body image struggles don’t care how old you are or how many kids you have. They show up in the mirror, in your jeans, in the words your daughter repeats. But you don’t have to keep dragging those stories behind you.

At Couples to Cradles Counselling, we make therapy as accessible as possible:

✔️ Direct billing (no chasing down receipts)
✔️ Evening + weekend appointments that actually work for parents’ schedules
✔️ In-person in Lethbridge or virtual across Alberta
✔️ A free 20-minute consultation so you can meet your therapist before committing

If body image struggles are stealing your energy — or you’re worried about passing those old shame stories to your daughter — we’re here to help you rewrite the script.

👉 Book your free consult today and start feeling more at home in your body.

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