Why You Might Feel Extra “Griefy” During the Holidays

The holidays have a way of sneaking up on you like that one relative who always shows up early and brings a dessert no one asked for. One minute you’re fine—wrapping gifts, heating up apple cider, trying to remember where you hid the good scissors—and then suddenly you’re crying because you found an old ornament shaped like a mouse wearing a scarf.

If you’ve wondered why your grief shows up louder in December, you’re not the only one. This season has a way of tugging at the emotional threads we’ve spent the whole year trying to keep neatly tucked away.

So if you’re feeling “griefy,” cracked open, or strangely emotional about things that don’t usually get to you, here’s what’s actually going on.

Let’s unravel it—without rushing or pretending it’s tidy.

The Holidays Are Basically a Highlight Reel of What’s Missing

The season loves a montage:
kids laughing, families clinking glasses, twinkly lights, and people who actually enjoy wearing matching pajamas.

But when someone you love is gone, December doesn’t feel like a montage.
It feels like a spotlight pointed directly at what’s missing.

Maybe it’s an empty chair at the table.
Maybe it’s the recipe only they knew how to make.
Maybe it’s a song that used to feel comforting and now feels like an emotional booby trap.

Your brain isn’t trying to torture you.
It’s doing what human brains do—connecting memories to meaning, and meaning to the people who shaped you.

No wonder so many people look for grief therapy, grief support, or grief and loss counselling this time of year. December practically specializes in poking at your softest parts.

Holiday Expectations Are… A Lot

There’s an invisible script everyone seems to be following:

• smile brightly
• be grateful
• keep up traditions
• don’t ruin the vibe
• pretend everything is fine

Meanwhile grief is over here like:

“Hi. I’m the person crying in line at Costco while humming along to ‘Jingle Bell Rock.’”

There’s a huge gap between what the season asks of you and what your bandwidth actually is. And no, it doesn’t mean you’re “not trying” or “being negative.”

It means you're human.

It means your emotional energy is going toward survival, not seasonal sparkle.

This is where our therapists in Lethbridge, Edmonton, Camrose, or virtually across Canada, can help—one place where you don’t have to smile, host, or perform.

Your Body Remembers Even When You’re Not Actively Thinking About Loss

Grief isn’t an idea—it’s a physiological experience.
Your body reacts before your brain catches up.

The signs show up quietly:

• a lump in your throat at random times
• heaviness in your chest
• exhaustion that feels like a weighted blanket you didn’t ask for
• wanting to cancel everything and hide
• or clinging to people like you’re afraid they might disappear too

This isn’t weakness.
This is your nervous system revisiting anniversaries and old emotional pathways.

Good grief therapy doesn’t tell you to “think differently.” It helps your body process what your mind has been carrying alone.

Rituals Bring Comfort… and Pain (Because They’re Supposed To)

You’re pulling out decorations.
You’re unboxing the holiday mugs.
You unwrap an ornament you forgot existed.

Then grief plops down beside you like, “Hey. We’re doing this again.”

Rituals work like that. They hold your history. They hold your losses. They hold the version of you who used to celebrate with the people who aren’t here anymore.

Feeling overwhelmed doesn’t mean you’re regressing.
It means your memories matter.

Grief and loss counselling can help you create new rituals without erasing the ones that used to feel like home.

It’s not about “moving on.”
It’s about carrying your person in a different way.

Everyone Else Looks Happy, So You Feel Even Worse

Here’s the part most people whisper, if they say it at all:

Grief feels heavier when everyone else looks joyful.

Holiday commercials all seem to involve tearful reunions.
Social media keeps serving matching pajamas, fresh pine wreaths, and “our best year yet” captions.
Meanwhile you’re holding a completely different emotional reality.

You might catch yourself thinking:

“Why can everyone else handle this?”
“Why is this so much harder for me?”
“Why does everyone else get the version of the holidays I can’t have?”

You’re not being dramatic.
You’re comparing because grief compares.
It keeps a quiet scoreboard even when you know the game is unfairly stacked.

And spoiler: many people in those happy-looking photos are grieving too. They’re just not posting about it next to their charcuterie boards.

This is why people seek grief support around the holidays—somewhere to put the truth they can’t put anywhere else.

You’re Carrying More Than You Realize

Grief isn’t the only thing on your plate.
You’re also carrying:

• the pressure to make the season “special”
• family dynamics that mysteriously intensify in December
• the internal debate about which traditions still fit
• financial strain
• loneliness
• the emotional hangover of the entire year

Of course your grief feels louder.
Your system is juggling twelve things at once and waving a silent white flag.

You’re not “extra sensitive.”
You’re overloaded.

You Don’t Have to White-Knuckle Your Way Through December

If this season feels impossible, heavy, sharp, or just… off, it doesn’t mean you’re failing.

It means your love was real.
It means your person mattered.
It means your body and mind are still sorting through the shape of your life without them in it.

You’re allowed to get support.
You’re allowed to rest.
You’re allowed to rewrite the holiday scripts that no longer fit.

At Couples to Cradles Counselling, we offer:

• grief therapy
• grief and loss counselling
• grief support for adults, parents, and families
• in-person counselling in Lethbridge, Edmonton, or Camrose
• virtual therapy across Canada

If you’re navigating grief this season, you don’t have to carry it alone.
Not during the holidays, and not after.

Book a free 20 minute consultation with one of our therapists here

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